A Tatooine man known as Darth Vader has ruined his son Luke’s life and chopped off his hand, sources told our reporters last Monday. This creation by Joffre Zheng depicted the scene immediately after the lightsaber duel on Bespin where Vader and Skywalker took the kerfuffle onto a dangerous overhang. After slicing off Luke’s hand, a portion of guardrail and some other mechanical doodads, the two exchanged heated words. Vader had reportedly goaded Skywalker about the power of the Dark Side before revealing that he was his father.

Unbelieving that such a deadbeat could be his dad, Luke jumped hundreds of feet then slid down what might have been a garbage shoot. He later emerged, clinging to a radio antenna beneath Bespin’s superstructure. Skywalker was later rescued on board the Millennium Falcon by his friends Chewbacca, Princess Leia Organa, and Lando Calrissian. “The kid was bummed”, Calrissian told our reporters. “Like, totally bummed, man.” Authorities were not called to the scene of the incident, and it was reported that alcohol was not involved. At press time Skywalker had also learned that Leia Organa was his sister, making the passionate kiss they shared earlier quite awkward indeed.