A Tatooine man known as Darth Vader has ruined his son Luke’s life and chopped off his hand, sources told our reporters last Monday. This creation by Joffre Zheng depicted the scene immediately after the lightsaber duel on Bespin where Vader and Skywalker took the kerfuffle onto a dangerous overhang. After slicing off Luke’s hand, a portion of guardrail and some other mechanical doodads, the two exchanged heated words. Vader had reportedly goaded Skywalker about the power of the Dark Side before revealing that he was his father.
Unbelieving that such a deadbeat could be his dad, Luke jumped hundreds of feet then slid down what might have been a garbage shoot. He later emerged, clinging to a radio antenna beneath Bespin’s superstructure. Skywalker was later rescued on board the Millennium Falcon by his friends Chewbacca, Princess Leia Organa, and Lando Calrissian. “The kid was bummed”, Calrissian told our reporters. “Like, totally bummed, man.” Authorities were not called to the scene of the incident, and it was reported that alcohol was not involved. At press time Skywalker had also learned that Leia Organa was his sister, making the passionate kiss they shared earlier quite awkward indeed.
Warning! Text contains spoilers!
Breaking News Update: Liberal leaning publication searches for another victimized snowflake without looking at all sides…again.
Actually Vader shouldn’t be called a deadbeat. If anything Padme is guilty of parental kidnapping and human trafficking. So get down on Vader all you want but he was just trying to reach out to his son when he found out about his existence. Luke tried to kill his own dad before even engaging in any sort of verbal communication, so yeah he deserved to lose a hand. Vader has been used as a pawn by the evil baby snatching Jedi from the beginning as well.
Ok, this is kind of funny, I must say.
At the same time it’s tragic and edgy, lol.
Though I like the style of the text, one of the things I enjoy most about TBB is the analysis of the builds featured, which is sorely missing here.