Well-placed sources in the United States government have recently revealed that LEGO blogger and alleged poet Andrew Becraft is in fact the same person as international super-spy and beloved raconteur Steven Andrew Ogilvy.
Leaked technical specifications reveal that the LEGO minifig, or so-called sigfig, that Becraft carries with him on his travels contains a 3D micro-camera, long-range stereo microphone, 2-terabyte flash drive, and spring-loaded poison darts.
This and other as-yet-undisclosed technology has enabled Becraft — codenamed “Dunechaser” — to surveil high-profile locations such as the UK Houses of Parliament with impunity. An anonymous MI5 agent is quoted as saying, “The unprecedented access Becraft was able to obtain using a few pieces of heavily customized Legos [sic] is astounding.”
Motives behind the exposure of “Steven Andrew Ogilvy” remain as unclear as the value of the intelligence Becraft was able to gather on his “business trips” to Great Britain, the Republic of Ireland, and New Zealand.
Fellow agents interviewed for this article (speaking on condition of anonymity) assert, “Everybody at the CIA already knew that the British Museum has lots of Egyptian statues, and that there’s a bust of James Joyce on St. Stephen’s Green. Oh, can you edit out the part where I mention the CIA?”
Others suspect that Becraft’s promotion of Danish toy maker LEGO’s Agents series may have run afoul of protectionist elements in the American government.