News: LEGO bricks found to contain addictive additives

German chemist Wolfgang Blauhardt recently claimed in a a paper that LEGO bricks contain a powerful “cocktail” of addictive substances. The possibility of illegal drugs in the product was first leaked last January by an anonymous copyeditor working for the medical journal in which Dr. Blauhardt’s paper is forthcoming.

The paper alleges that the corporate LEGO labs have compiled a veritable cocktail of controlled substances that is designed to create a lifelong addict out of anyone who touches the plastic toy. The LEGO Company was unavailable for comment at the time of this blog post’s publication.

Well, this explains a lot. No wonder I can’t put the danged things down.
Update (April 2): April Fools!